What should have been
by Arendelle Frost
Summary: What would you do for the one you love? How far are you willing to risk everything for that one person, even when you know that it's wrong? Jack and Elsa share a dark secret that no one will ever know...


**Hello! I'm super excited to be posting my first one-shot. I've been meaning to post this for AGES, but I've been so focused on Infernal Ice. But I have finally finished this, and I gotta say, I'm pretty satisfied with how it came out.**

 **Anyway, if you are in love with Jelsa like I am, this might give you the feels.**

* * *

It was a little past midnight in Arendelle. The dark blue sky was lit up with a full moon, spilling it's light on everything it touched. It was a cold, November evening and the entire village of Arendelle was quiet and asleep, except for the two lovers who laid in the Queen's bedroom chambers, deafened by silence, drowning in the darkness of shadows. Not a single sound could be heard except for the gentle breaths coming from the two souls that laid in bed, side by side, wrapped in each other's arms.

It was almost impossible to explain the magnificent similarities that the two held in appearance. Sparkling eyes with colours that are only found in the winter. Hairstyles that were so simple, yet so unique. Pale, porcelain skin, all perfect and flawless. Tall, slender bodies that fit as one.

They were beautiful, exquisite looking people. Like two snowflakes that glistened against the sun.

But the most important thing that they shared in common was their _hearts_.

The handsome young man had gleaming boyish features, with blue eyes that dug into anyone's gaze, and with hair the colour of snow. His dark grins and sarcastic smirks contrasted his sweet and gentle soul. Though, still childish and obnoxious, those were behaviors from when he was a child, those were the traits that made him who he is.

He sighed deeply to himself as his gaze darted down to the figure he was holding against his chest. He brought his free hand to the gentle figure, stroking her silky smooth skin, before leaning down to press his lips against the soft waves of platinum blonde hair. Cuddled up on the bed beside him, snuggling deep in his arms, was the girl that meant _everything_ to him, absolutely everything.

The girl, who had dazzling crystal blue eyes, and beautiful long blonde hair, closed her eyes as she intertwined her fingers through his. She breathed in, inhaling the wonderful scent of ice and snow that she loved so very dearly. Her heart raced as she nuzzled her face into his chest, smiling to herself when she felt him graze his fingers against her skin once more.

The two lovers continued to lay in bed, in the dark, seeing nothing more than each other's silhouettes against the darkened walls, holding each other, not ever wanting to let go.

 _Never_ wanting to let go.

Though shown in such a simple manner, they loved each other more than words can ever fathom. They would do things many others wouldn't do, _just_ for each other; they would walk through the deepest fires, swim through the iciest oceans, _just_ for each other. She makes his heart _sing_ , and he makes her soul _free_. They make each other laugh as if there wasn't another person nor creature in the world.

In words, the universe meant very little to them. Their souls were intertwined, with an incredible amount of love woven through each heartstring.

The girl opened her eyes and looked at the boy, getting butterflies in her stomach whenever she does. She smiled sweetly at him as he leaned in to gently kiss the tip of her nose, wrapping a secure arm around her tiny waist.

Though no words were being said between them, she knew that just by looking at him, it already explained more love than a trillion verbal words. It was times like these that she treasured, moments like these that they both valued, just being in each other's presence without a single ounce of fear or worry.

If _only_ time was able to slow down...

He sighed to himself as he pushed a few strands of her hair out of her face so he could see her pretty blue eyes to the fullest.

"I love you, Elsa," he breathed gently.

Elsa smiled again, not understanding _how_ she could love someone _so_ much, how her cold heart could allow that much affection for another. And even though he has said those three words to her more than a million times, she will _never_ get tired of them, nor will she ever get tired of saying them back.

"I love you too, Jack. So much, more than anything."

Elsa curled herself up in a ball against Jack's chest, smiling gently to herself as she felt him begin to play around with her hair, a habit he had picked up after becoming fascinated by the tresses in those blonde strands. She absolutely loved it when he did that. It was moments like these that were so beautiful, so peaceful, so... _perfect_.

She looked down at her left hand, and stared at the glimmering diamond ring that embellished her finger.

Her heart began to race.

She thought back to the engagement, the moment he got down on one knee in front of her. But it wasn't a surprise; the idea of getting married has been talked about so many times, especially since she is the _Queen_.

Her sister, Anna, was absolutely thrilled about the engagement of her older sister. She said that it was about time that Elsa settled down with someone to rule the kingdom with.

Then she thought about the wedding.

She remembers shedding tears when she was at the altar because she knew that her heart was thumping against her chest, demanding to be _free_.

It has been almost two years since the wedding. Everything seemed like a blur.

"Jack..." she whispered, unlocking her gaze from her wedding ring.

He slightly pulled away from their embrace to look at her. He saw the look in her eyes. He knows.

"What is it?" he asked quietly.

She gulped, knowing that she didn't need to ask, but she wanted reassurance. Because, like her wedding day, her heart _thumping_ against her chest, _demanding_ to be _free_.

"Do you love me, as much as I love you?" she asked quietly.

Jack smiled and nodded faintly. "Maybe even more."

"Even though I...we..." her voice was breaking. She could _never_ finish that sentence.

He nodded again, understanding what she was trying to say. "It doesn't change the way I feel about you, Elsa. And it never will."

And then he leaned in and kissed her fully on her pink lips. The kiss, as any other kiss would, started off as gentle and sweet. He kissed her lightly, whispering sweet nothings against her lips, telling her how much he loves her, how he is so _goddamn_ in love with her.

A single tear left her eyes before she silenced him, crashing her lips even closer to create a flawless synchronization of kisses. They have kissed each other countless of times before, but each one felt like the first - when her frozen heart melted, and when his dead heart felt alive again.

Jack slowly rolled on top of her, gently caressing one cheek in his hand, while she had wrapped her own arms around his neck, pulling him closer, wanting to feel his chest against hers, imagining what his heart would have felt like it he were _alive._

But Jack knew that they couldn't afford to lose track of time. He has to return to the North Pole tonight, and she has to prepare for a Royal Ball tomorrow morning. Each minute of them being together was being timed. He pulled away from her, but Elsa pulled him back, in protest to allow any form of space between them. She pressed her lips onto his once more, and Jack gave in.

But as he kissed her, time was ticking. With one last gentle kiss, he pulled away, restraining himself as she tried pulling him back. As much as he wanted this to continue, he knew, they _both_ knew, that they shouldn't.

"Elsa," he whispered, looking straight at her. "We've got to stop."

"No one will ever know," her voice trembled.

He sighed deeply. "Elsa..."

Her chest began to _ache_ when he said her name. His voice caressed and kissed her heart because he _owns_ her heart, and that was what broke her.

"You _know_ why," Jack whispered.

Elsa felt her heart hit the floor, shattering into a million pieces. Like glass. Like ice, because she knows that he was right, and there was no way to argue against that.

"You know why, Elsa," Jack repeated. "You _know_ why we can't."

She closed her eyes, and nodded her head. "I know."

Jack sighed, _hating_ himself for making the truth come between them _again_.

He looked at her and tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear. "I know I say this to you all the time, but I love you so much, more than you could ever imagine," he whispered, leaning in to press his forehead against hers.

"I love you too. And I always will," she whispered back, staring into his gorgeous blue eyes, the eyes that she has looked into countless of times, the eyes that she _mourns_ for whenever they were apart.

He sighed deeply, closing his eyes as he ran his fingers against her arms, wanting to leave his own frost patterns on her skin, intricate snowflakes just like she loved, but knew that he couldn't. Not tonight.

"I will always love you, no matter what," he breathed out.

She inhaled, and found that her voice was shaking. "No matter what..." she repeated.

Those words _chilled_ her to the bone.

For the next ten minutes, even though they both know they were running out of time, they laid in bed, tangled in their bed sheets, embraced in each other's coldness, holding one another without a single word being brought up.

Oh, how they wish they could stay like this _forever_.

But they can't. Because she's alive. And he's dead.

"What time will he be getting home?" Jack asked her suddenly.

Elsa sighed and closed her eyes. She didn't want to think or talk about this, but there was no other choice. This is her life now.

"Soon. His boat returned from sea a few minutes ago," she answered.

Jack breathed deeply as he loosened his grip around her. "I...I better get going then. North is expecting me to return in the morning..."

"Jack," her voice broke.

"I-I know."

She looked up at him, never wanting to leave his arms, because every time he lets go, the pain pierced her heart. But she sat up, wrapped her silk robe over her body, before tying her hair in her usual braid, draping it over her left shoulder.

As Jack got dressed, Elsa walked over to the full length mirror to stare at her reflection. There was no smile on her face, but she knew that she was happy. Because Jack was _here_.

After spending so many weeks apart, they were finally together in each other's embrace, the only place that they belong. They didn't care where they were, just as long as they were together.

But now, the thought of Jack leaving to return to the North Pole, to his own home, to his own reality, was just... _devastating_.

As she stared at her reflection, tears began to roll down her flushed face.

Her breath shook and she closed her eyes when she felt him wrap his arms around her waist from behind. He pressed a soft kiss upon her shoulder, but none of them said a word. Jack closed his eyes and leaned forward, pressing his forehead against the back of her head, gently rubbing her arm with his hand.

It killed him to see her like this, and it absolutely _killed_ him to know that he couldn't do anything to stop it.

"I really wish I could stay," he whispered shakily.

"Then stay," she pleaded in a whisper.

That was an offer Jack wished he could take, but if he did, it would ruin them both.

"But you know I can't," he whispered.

" _Please_ , Jack. I don't want to go through this again. Not without you," she began to cry softly, feeling her heart get _slaughtered_ on the inside when she said his name.

"I know, Elsa. But...but this is what we agreed on," Jack whispered as he closed his eyes.

Elsa fought back tears, the moment Jack said that. Yes, he was right. This was the harsh reality, the harsh choice that they agreed on. And it hurts because she would do anything, give up anything, just for _him_.

"I wish I could change everything, Jack," she cried silently. "I would give up my throne, if it meant changing _us_."

"I know," he whispered again. "But you can't. And that's okay."

"I'm so _sorry_ ," she sobbed.

"Don't be," he breathed, rubbing her arm.

Elsa swallowed hard, feeling the lump in her throat as she did. She gently unwrapped Jack's arms from her waist and turned around to face him. The two of them just stared at each other for a while in silence. They could both feel their emotions get _torn_ into shreds as they looked at each other; the love they have for one another seemed to be increasing with every blood pounding second.

It was almost unbearable.

He sighed gently, brushing his smooth fingers against her cheek, carefully wiping away any visible tears with his thumb. "You are so beautiful, Elsa. So beautiful."

Behind her tears, she looked at him through the shadows of the moon-lit bedroom, and stepped in towards him, wrapping her arms around him once more, not daring to let go.

"You're acting as if everything is going to be okay," Elsa sobbed. "Because nothing's going to get better, Jack. Especially for us."

"Don't say that," he whispered against her blonde hair. "It may not happen today, or tomorrow, or even next year, but I swear on my life, Elsa, I _will_ find a way to fix everything."

"How are you so sure?" she trembled.

"Because I know you," he whispered. "And you know me. And we both know that we fight for the ones we love."

Elsa didn't say anything more as she just continued to hold him, crying softly against his chest. A minute passed before Jack pulled away, knowing that they were losing time, and if Jack stayed any longer, it would mean risking everything they held in their hearts.

Jack sighed, almost inaudibly. He took one more look at the girl he was holding close - the girl he would risk his own immortality for - and closed his eyes. He pulled her closer to his body, and embraced her one last time, as if _this_ was their last time seeing each other...

"I hope that you will never feel the pain that I'm feeling," he whispered.

"But I do. I feel it everyday," her voice shattered.

Jack pressed a loving kiss upon her forehead, before saying the words that broke every last piece of Elsa's heart and soul, capturing her emotions in his voice.

"As much as it _kills_ me to leave you like this, and to know that you're not...mine, I will never stop loving you," he whispered in her ear.

Elsa blinked, releasing hot tears again. "I know," she whispered. "And I will never stop loving you. You _know_ that."

He nodded. "I do."

She sighed, looking at him one more time, unaware of the remaining time she has left.

Jack reached over and laced his fingers through hers. But she looked down, trying her best to ignore the ring that was on her finger. Jack followed her gaze, and felt his chest tighten when he saw the ring again.

"I'm sorry for wearing it," she said quietly, feeling his gaze upon her hand. "But I have to. It's my obligation as Queen. As his wife."

Those words struck like a train.

"I...I understand," he said.

They slowly walked towards the doors leading out to the balcony, and Elsa soon found everything to be much colder, even for her. Jack wished that he could stay here with Elsa, but he knew that he couldn't allow himself to do that. But if he could, he would. Of course he would. But as of now, staying in Arendelle with Elsa is forbidden.

She _is_ married to someone else, after all.

After grabbing his wooden staff from against the wall, he opened the balcony doors, letting the night air into the room. But before stepping outside, Jack turned around to look at her, not knowing how long it will be until they see each other again, before they love and kiss the other to their hearts' control.

Who knows how long it will be before her husband, the King, goes overseas again? Who knows how long it will be before they are in each others embraces again?

Elsa gulped to herself. The ring on her finger suddenly felt a trillion times heavier.

She smiled weakly as she reached over to hold one of his cheeks in her soft hands. She felt a single tear roll down her face. "Remember, _you_ will _always_ be the one I love most."

"I know," Jack whispered back. He does know.

"And remember, Jack, just because he's my husband, doesn't mean that I love him," she assured him in a whisper, feeling a new batch of tears line the rims of her eyes.

Jack gulped and nodded. He knew that too. Like she had said earlier, she would give up her throne just to make everything better for them. But because she is the Queen, and because he is just a Guardian, their hearts will never be allowed to live as one.

"Promise me that you'll wait for me, Elsa," Jack whispered.

"I promise, Jack," she whispered, reaching up to press her lips onto his. "My heart belongs to you. _Only_ you."

Jack was about to lean in and kiss her and tell her that he loves her over and over again, until they both heard a series of footsteps coming closer to the bedroom door, signaling that Elsa's husband, the new King of Arendelle, had returned.

And then Jack was gone.

He was gone, just like that, leaving a single snowflake in his place.

Elsa's breath got caught in her throat as she stared into the darkness. It almost seemed unbelievable that Jack was standing here, holding her, just seconds ago. And now he was gone.

She closed her eyes, fighting the tears that refused to stay in her eyes, as she asked herself the cruel question that both she and Jack will _always_ wonder.

When will the time come when they will finally belong to one another?

That the beautiful Queen of Arendelle and the reckless winter Guardian can finally become as one?

Jack and Elsa both knew that they had to fight for each other, to break this barrier, no matter how long it takes. Days, months, years, but they will do anything to make it happen.

But they weren't together.

And they both know that they won't be for a very, very long time.

But _if_ they were to be together, somehow, maybe, next time...

Tonight showed what should have been.

* * *

 **I swear, this ship will be the death of me.**

 **I wrote this, wanting to express my painful sadness that comes with shipping Jack and Elsa, with the whole Disney/DreamWorks divide, him being a Guardian/her being a Queen, him being immortal/her being human etc.**

 **WHY DOES IT HURT SO MUCH TO SHIP THEM? WHY, JELSA, WHY?**

 **But yeah. I hope this was a good read, and I will definitely continue to post more one-shots!**

 **PLEASE REVIEW! I would love to read some feedback, and they are always appreciated. Thank you!**


End file.
